Monday, October 20, 2008

Adventures in Pottytraining, or, Wanted for Attempted Robbery

**I couldn't decide on what to title this post, so I put in the two titles I liked.

Normally I wouldn't post about potty training for two reasons:
1) Confession time: even though my daughter is 2 and a half, I haven't given it much of a try, other than to say, "Lily, you really should learn to use the potty."
2) I get really bored/grossed out from all the gory details (not you, I love hearing about your kid's pooping problems).

BUT, after a day like today, I have to write it down in the hopes that I can look back someday and see the humor in it all.

It started out this morning when I thought it would be "fun" to put some underpants on the Lily to see if the "Let it fly, and she'll stay dry" method would work for us. (You know, the one where the kid ends up peeing all over the house?) Well, she thought it would be a fun adventure, but I should have known that it wouldn't work when she absolutely positively wouldn't sit on the potty. She definitely wanted to stand on it to brush her teeth by herself, though!

Then, I took the potty upstairs for easy access. After a few minutes, Lily decided she wanted to take her underwear off. She wouldn't tell me why, but she went to get a diaper. She didn't want to put that on. Then I went to get a pull-up, but she didn't want to put that on. So we have a little one running around with nothing on. Well, you guessed it, it wasn't long before she started getting THAT FACE, the one that says, "Something is about to come out, but I really don't want it to."

This was followed by my picking her up and running for the potty. She started screaming, and yelling, "No, Mommy, No!" with tears running down her cheeks. She refused to sit, refused to put anything on, and refused to talk to me. She then FLUNG herself face down on the kitchen floor and continued to bawl. Then she followed me into the living room, where she FLUNG herself face down on the living room floor, still bawling.

At this point, I gave up, so I guess I should have not been surprised when not FIVE minutes later, she followed me downstairs, where she promptly spread her legs, and, well, you know, made like a cat and sprayed the carpet.

This led to me, again, picking her up and running for the bathroom, where she was told to remain while I got something to clean up the mess. She actually listened, but when I returned, she started bawling again when I tried to put a diaper on her. I had had it, so I laid her down on the floor, held her hands back with my feet, as I put her diaper on her, dodging the kicking legs. At this point there may have been some yelling, I really don't know. I know, I know, not the best strategy for encouraging potty training.

She then was sent to her room, and told to get on her bed, which she actually did, which was good, because by this time we both needed a time out.

After she was in her room for about 10 minutes, I thought it would be a good idea for us to run to Babies R Us to take care of some business related to our crib. Why did I think this would go well? I have no idea.

So things actually went okay. We got our business done, and I thought we should look at some socks. They had nothing, but they did have some cute Elmo and Ariel underwear (two different packages). Feeling bad for the way I handled the situation earlier in the day, I thought I would get her some new underwear for encouragement. She, of course, wanted both of them, which I contemplated, but in the end, I decided to let her choose one. I don't think she entirely understands the concept of choosing, because every time I asked her to choose, she would say, "Melmo, Air-el, melmo, air-el."

I finally took away Elmo, and was about to take away Ariel, when she decided to take off. Thinking she wouldn't go far, I waited a second before following. I underestimated how determined she was. When she saw I was coming for her, she took off even more, to the front of the store, and out the first double doors. (Who thought automatic doors in a baby store was a good idea?) At this point, I am screaming and running, and I finally caught her, after she went out the SECOND double doors, and INTO THE PARKING LOT!!!! WITHOUT STOPPING!!!! WITH ARIEL STILL IN HER HANDS!!!! I scooped her up, ran back into the store, flung the underwear on the counter, and ran back out, while also catching a glimpse of all the employees gathered in a circle at the front of the store, just staring at my crazy eyes and flaming cheeks.

Needless to say, she didn't end up with either Melmo or Air-el.

For the rest of the way home, I kept reminding her she was in trouble and that she had done something very naughty. She kept saying, "Mommy sad?" and "Sowwee (sorry)". I don't really know if she knew what she had done was wrong (the shoplifting and the running into the street and not listening to Mom), but she knew I was upset.

And, that, my friends, is why my daughter will be in kindergarten, still not potty-trained. I apologize to her tablemates in advance.

As soon as we got home, she went back to her bed, where she is currently still sleeping peacefully, with no hint of the troubles from earlier in the day.

*Oh, I did stop to take this picture as we got home.


-How do you discipline a 2 year old? We do time-outs and the like, but how do you know what you are trying to teach them is sinking in?


Char said...

Oh. My. Gosh.

That is too funny!

If it makes you feel any better, I've made no attempt at potty training Campbell either. I've done it 2 other times and I know I don't like. And we're going to Disney in December and I really don't want him yelling "I NEED TO PEE!" at the exact second we finally get to the front of the line for Nemo.

meleandmakani said...

This is so funny...thanks for the laugh and good luck!

Connie said...

Isn't motherhood great? The things we put ourselves through for our kids...

I was never good at potty training. It took Bethany a year to get it and Andrew 6 months. It's definitely one of my least favorite tasks so far.

Rachelle said...

Awwww, memories. I'm sure it will delight you that I am just sitting here smiling, very thankful that I'm not the one going through it at present. Try not to stress. I have known plenty of 3 and 3 1/2 year olds that aren't trained. Maybe as she gets older, it will be easier. Anyway, you gave me a good laugh for a day!

Arianne said...

You can look back and laugh in a couple years when it's all over. I have a strong dislike for potty-training. Working on my third and it still isn't any easier.

My only piece of advice is to go ahead and wait until she REALLY REALLY wants to learn to go potty. You'll already be cleaning up plenty of icky mistakes and if she isn't motivated to begin with, you're gonna be miserable.

I'm surprised to find that I'd much rather change diapers than turn into an ogre every time my child wets (or worse!) on the floor. As long as she learns by kindergarten...

Love the picture of her looking up at you at the end of your entry!